General Limericks

The ships first mate was named Carter
Oh but he was a farter
When the wind wouldn't blow
And the ship wouldn"t go
It took Carter the farter to start Her

There once was an old man from Brewster
who said to his wife, as he goosed her
"This used to be grand
but now look at my hand
you aint wipin' as clean as you used ter"

There once was a maid from Madras
Who had a magnificent ass -
Not rounded and pink,
As you probably think,
But was gray, had long ears, and ate grass.

If you catch a Chinchilla in Chile
And cut off its beard, willy-nilly
You can honestly say
That you have just made
A Chilean Chinchilla's chin chilly

On the chest of a barmaid at Yale
were tattooed the prices of ale,
and on her behind,
for the sake of the blind,
was the same information in Braille.

A cat, in despondency, sighed,
And decided to commit suicide.
She passed under the wheels,
of eight automobiles,
'twas under the ninth that she died.

There once was an old man of Esser,
Whose knowledge grew lesser and lesser,
It at last grew so small
He knew nothing at all,
And now he's a college professor.

There once was a girl, Miley Cyrus
who used her tongue to inspire us
I don't get her plans
said her critics and her fans
but I hope she dosen't desire us

there was a young man
his name was cameran
he bounced round the school
breaking all the rules
and now he is being kicked in the can

A wonderful bird is the pelican,
His bill will hold more than his belican.
He can take in his beak
Food enough for a week,
but I'm damned if I see how the helican.